How to maintain a functioning relationship

!!! don't grab my boobs or boob at random intervals- this is not a turn on. It is a segway to a punch in the face. Grabbing a girl's boob isn't like a handshake or a hug; it's like someone walking by and sticking a finger up your ass. It's startling enough to make the person stop for a second then realize they should be angry about three seconds too late to stop the person in the act. I mean, if women liked people groping them at random, there wouldn't be any need for sexual harrassment lawsuits or anything along that line.

If I wanted someone to grab my boobs every 4 minutes, I'd have a baby, at least there'd be a reason for it then.

ANSWER ME! Or pretend to be interested.

My sister has a busy life. She works (I also work) she has friends, I have school. She typically runs out of day minutes mid-month. I try to only call her after 9pm. When I can't call her then, I call during the day, but I work until 4:30 and she usually won't answer. So, I can't call her until 9 and I usually refrain from calling her before then. And when I call she's usually doing something and unable to talk.

I guess this would be a good time to insert an explanation of why this matters. I need to vent to a person. I use to call my mom all the time and get things off my chest to her. She died last year. I had to expand my venting list. I call my mom's best friend and my mom. They're both busy and neither of them has quite the inclination to listen that my mom had. Most of the time I don't really need help "fixing" things. I just need to bitch. I need a somewhat attentive audiance. I need someone I can trust. Someone that can be empathetic. I can't really vent to my friends. Well, I'm sure I could, but it's a bit outside of my comfort zone. I like the unconditional acceptance I have in my two safe relationships. I know that I can tell them anything about my husband and not have to shield him from their wrath. I can say things without needing to worry if they'll think less of me. Part of me is worried because I haven't tested the extent to which my friends are like that. I don't know exactly how much I can complain without them telling to get a divorce or shut up. I don't know how many "i have a stupid husband" stories I could tell without them truly thinking that my husband is stupid.

So today I was in a bad mood because of my husband (I wrote my last blog about that). And I called my sister. No answer. I called again a little later, no answer. I called my mom's best friend, she's sick. I waited till 9:40. Sister is with her friends, can't talk long, but asks if there's anything i need to say before she goes. So I kind of sum up the issue. And her response is "well, are you going to talk to him about it." and I say "yes, I did." "Oh, ok, anything else?" No, thanks, bye." I just wish she was interested, I wish she could make time to talk to me and at least feign genuine interest. I know I'm needy and I know it must be a strain for her to 'be there' for me. I just don't see me growing out of my 'talking to people' thing. I guess another part of my disapointment comes from how often this scenario occurs. It's more of the norm than the exception. Another part of my problem is that I really need to have a bit of a normal conversation before I can jump into what's bothering me. If she's in a hurry, I don't want to waste my time with a half-attentive-in-a-hurry person. That's part of the reason I don't try people my age. I can't ask her to have less of a social life, my selfishness doesn't go quite that far. It'd also be nice if she'd talk to me about things, but that's another book.

Leave my stuff alone and I won't bash your head in. kthanx

I'm married to a man who regularly goes through my stuff and "puts it away." Causing me to look for it and not find it for up to a few weeks to a month. This is usually done with things that are time sensative.

The first incident of him putting my stuff away happened during Fall Quarter 2005. He put away my Spanish Phonetics notebook. I spent three weeks looking for it. Do you know how long three weeks is in student time?! I had to use a different note book causing my information to be scattered in several places instead of being all nice and concise in one spiral notebook. He knew I was looking for it and didn't know where it was. Yes. He "put it away" then forgot he did it. When I did find it I had almost failed a test and had to compile my notes so I could study for my comprehensive exam. So, I yelled, I threw a fit and I thought he got my point. Putting away things of mine would lead to trouble. Trouble is not fun.

The second instance (well, the second major fit throwing one) came while I was taking a senior seminar class on Don Quijote. I checked out a ton of books. I hadn't read Don Quijote before and I wanted to do some catch up research. I was also writing a 5 pg paper on Delmira Agustini and a 5 pg paper on Frida Kahlo. I think I had 20 books in all. So, the computer area was a mess, I'm a student and things aren't always neat and tidy. I told him I had a lot of books checked out and I needed him to leave them alone. We had a fight about that, he didn't think I should be able to have my stuff everywhere, but he agreed to leave them alone when I said it'd be like me packing up some of his video games cause they were in the way. And a few days later... He put some of my library books in boxes. I didn't notice right away, I had finished up the papers and my extra reading, but I got a library notice and asked him if he'd seen any library books. "well, you have a lot of books" was his reply. I countered with a "These books would have a library scan bar on them. Did you put some of my stuff in boxes?" "...yes." And sure enough a good 5 books from the library were shoved in a box. I threw another fit. This time his "putting my stuff away" cost us money. Not a lot but it was still money. He said he was sorry and grumbled about not being able to keep track of my stuff. .

Then we moved and I found a box of shoes I hadn't worn in a while. These are shoes I liked, shoes I would wear if they weren't in a box. I asked him how long they'd been in there. "Oh, I put them away in a box for you last September." Major fit #3 for this same issue.

And our most recent row about putting my stuff away. We're getting settled into a new place. I'm trying to get our stuff out of boxes and find places for them. He keeps putting stuff back into boxes because it looks neater. I started putting papers and other items in between the computer and the printer (a 3" gap that makes a nice slot for things). I came into the computer room after work one day and saw that my papers had been moved. Some of them were on top of the printer but the stack was a lot thinner than it had been that morning. My first question was if he threw any of it away, which he didn't. Then I asked where it was. "it's all on top of the printer." No it's not. I was missing the invitation to a friend's bridal shower. I couldn't remember if it was that weekend or the next weekend. And I hadn't called to see if it was a surprise one or not, so I didn't want to call (that and it'd be embarrassing). He kept looking for it and couldn't find it. I was tempted to look through a box that appeared behind the computer chair but he assured me that it was only books. Today I was fed up with his exasperated "i know it's around here"s and looked through the box. Not only did I find the invitation, I found a lot of my books thrown pell-mell into the box. there was some of my collector toys (packages damaged from the books) and a few unimportant papers about our insurance coverage.

I think I'm going to chop off his hands so he can't move my stuff around.

Identity theft comes in odd packages

I've been parading around the internet under one pseudonym for the better part of seven years. I recently found out that google-ing 'toomanycurls' comes up with more hits for me than my real name. It's a nickname I consider to be very closely tied to my self-identity. It's not linked to a phase, style, fashion or other passing interest. I came to set up a blog here and I found out that someone else is using it. Someone that is not me. It's within this person's right to use whatever name they wish, but it's mine. It's the handle with which I've met numerous friends, submitted papers and ideas, etc. Well, life does go on and I'll have to guard my handle somewhat carefully from now on.

And if you're reading this, imposter, you should know that I had it first.