My sister has a busy life. She works (I also work) she has friends, I have school. She typically runs out of day minutes mid-month. I try to only call her after 9pm. When I can't call her then, I call during the day, but I work until 4:30 and she usually won't answer. So, I can't call her until 9 and I usually refrain from calling her before then. And when I call she's usually doing something and unable to talk.
I guess this would be a good time to insert an explanation of why this matters. I need to vent to a person. I use to call my mom all the time and get things off my chest to her. She died last year. I had to expand my venting list. I call my mom's best friend and my mom. They're both busy and neither of them has quite the inclination to listen that my mom had. Most of the time I don't really need help "fixing" things. I just need to bitch. I need a somewhat attentive audiance. I need someone I can trust. Someone that can be empathetic. I can't really vent to my friends. Well, I'm sure I could, but it's a bit outside of my comfort zone. I like the unconditional acceptance I have in my two safe relationships. I know that I can tell them anything about my husband and not have to shield him from their wrath. I can say things without needing to worry if they'll think less of me. Part of me is worried because I haven't tested the extent to which my friends are like that. I don't know exactly how much I can complain without them telling to get a divorce or shut up. I don't know how many "i have a stupid husband" stories I could tell without them truly thinking that my husband is stupid.
So today I was in a bad mood because of my husband (I wrote my last blog about that). And I called my sister. No answer. I called again a little later, no answer. I called my mom's best friend, she's sick. I waited till 9:40. Sister is with her friends, can't talk long, but asks if there's anything i need to say before she goes. So I kind of sum up the issue. And her response is "well, are you going to talk to him about it." and I say "yes, I did." "Oh, ok, anything else?" No, thanks, bye." I just wish she was interested, I wish she could make time to talk to me and at least feign genuine interest. I know I'm needy and I know it must be a strain for her to 'be there' for me. I just don't see me growing out of my 'talking to people' thing. I guess another part of my disapointment comes from how often this scenario occurs. It's more of the norm than the exception. Another part of my problem is that I really need to have a bit of a normal conversation before I can jump into what's bothering me. If she's in a hurry, I don't want to waste my time with a half-attentive-in-a-hurry person. That's part of the reason I don't try people my age. I can't ask her to have less of a social life, my selfishness doesn't go quite that far. It'd also be nice if she'd talk to me about things, but that's another book.
No comments:
Post a Comment