Today has been shite. I can't say pure shite, but generally shite. Work was passable; although I did get a bit of grumbling about the timecards. My ray of sunshine was meeting up with Brian after work. I was going to cook dinner and we were going to hang out. I needed to get some of my shit unpacked so my dad would have less to criticize tomorrow. I was excited to get home and spend the evening just being happy with my mind off things... off work.
I guess I should just learn not to get excited and get my hopes up. Brian had to cancel; he had to finish a homework assignment. His mom ended up inviting me to dinner and I sat in his room while he did his homework, but I can't help but feel hurt. I think it starts with the lack of forewarning about the cancellation. It's not as if I'm unreachable at work. I always expect that someone let's me know when plans change or are just canceled. So, not hearing anything till after I got off work was a bit of a slap in the face. I was mentally prepared to do one thing and was really looking forward to it. It takes a lot for me to get excited about something, and when that something doesn't happen, I tend to take it hard. So, I guess it's my fault for getting so... enamored with the idea of being with Brian for the night.
The second part of my disappointment is tied into my analytical side. I couldn't help but wonder where the hours of the day went that caused him to be so far behind that he had to cancel for tonight. I know it's not fair of me to want to break down his day and point out where he could have been doing homework and not goofing off. I guess I don't know he was goofing off, but he didn't give an explanation (i.e. errands, some sort of crisis, whatever). So, for me, whatever Brian was doing today must have been more important than spending the evening with me, because if spending this evening with me were important, he would have gotten his stuff done before messing around. Again, I realize this isn't fair, it's just how I feel. I keep telling myself to not think that, but that's like making water less wet.
Today's save goes to Judy, Brian's mom. She invited me to go out to dinner at this really nice Chinese Buffet place in Bonney Lake. When we got back to their place, I hung out with Brian as he worked on his presentation. I was enjoying myself until I realized it was late and I didn't do anything I needed to do tonight. I had planned on unpacking my place a little more. I started to feel hurt all over again. Part of me was just upset that my place wouldn't be as I wanted it to be when my dad got there, part of it was "opening the wound" of having my night canceled last minute. I talked to Brian about it. I decided it was only fair. I feel a lot better about things after we talked. He admitted that he was a bit insensitive about the plans thing. I'm a bit apprehensive about that being a pattern in our relationship. I don't like thoughtlessness... it hurts quite a bit. I do feel a bit better about that whole ordeal now.
I'm just freaked out about my dad being here. I have so much fucking stuff to do. My dad's going to say something about my place not being very well put together. His wife will be judgmental and I'm not really looking forward to it. I was a bit apprehensive about them coming before... now I'm even more on edge about it. I want to see my dad and have him look at my place, but I don't want to hear his words about it not being done yet.
I'm too emotionally worn out to really do anything productive at the moment.
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