Downward Spiral

Pre Bush and A bit Ago

I think the numbers are outnumbered, but that speaks to how far we've come.

Special Comments

Special Comments by Keith Olbermann


I'm sure people have watched this. I've been hearing about it on the radio today... This is seriously one of the most powerfully moving reputes I have heard in living memory.

Thoughts?

How can I see the future if it didn't already exist?

The X-Files Movie


The Truth is Out there.


And I got all sexual watching that.

Mother

I do miss my mom every day. It's hard to escape sometimes. I miss her more sometimes than others... but I never seem to miss her on Mother's day. The first one happened a few weeks after she died, so my missing was mostly the grief and pain of the recent loss. The past two Mother's Days since she's been dead have passed with little emotional upheaval. It's not that I don't miss her or think about her, but rather that I don't have a high associative emotion with her and Mother's Day.

I miss her though. I can feel it especially when I'm going through a "need my mom" moments. Some of those moments in the past few years have been:

• Falling out of love.
• Graduating from WWU.
• Finding a post-graduation job.
• Moving to Bremerton.
• Debating the child issue.
• Deciding to end things
• Getting mad at work.
• Doing well at work.
• Feeling lost and confused.
• Breaking up.
• Falling in love.
• DATING.
• Moving to a new place.
• Dealing with Dad.
• Fighting with the Sibs.
• Going through a creative streak.
• Debating whether I'm in love.
• Deciding to have kids.
• Finding ways to tease my sister.
• Meeting new guys.
• Diving into the Corporate world.
• Getting a promotion.
• Moving to Auburn.
• Getting Divorced.
• Saying goodbye to a chapter in my life.
• Self Doubt.
• Feeling lost.
• Gaining self-confidence.
• Evaluating ze men in my life.
• Shopping.
• Finding someone I want to be with.
• Loosing Faith.
• Bettering myself.
• Writing.
• Seeking out life.
• Adventure.
• Going to the beach.
• Finding someone that loves Elvis.
• Mastering Raspberry Pie.
• Regaining some faith.
• Being balanced.
• Info from the Vag-file
• Cleaning up.
• Decorating.
• Driving Stick Shift.
• Going home...

Those aren't in any particular order... but it definitely makes me pause and think of all she's missed... or that I've missed her. It also makes me think of all the future items and events that I won't have her for. I always imagined her being there when I had kids, walking me through it, comforting me. I wanted her there so desperately when I got divorced and when I started dating. I needed her justification and guidance. I know I'll get remarried sooner or later... I wanted her to help me decide.

*sigh*

Ze Freezer is full...

I went shopping again today. I bought a lot of food. Eventually, I'll have to cook it all. I usually only cook when Brian is around. All the more reason to invite him over...

I think I'm just excited to have the money to buy more food that what's immediately needed. I haven't had room/money for extra food since I moved out from my Dad's. When I went to UNM, I ate at the dining hall. When Matt and I lived in Bellingham, we went through food as fast as we bought it, so there wasn't a lot of "stocking up." Then when I split up with him, I couldn't afford more than I was eating and there was the added restriction of not having room for excess food. I now have a freezer-full of food. I don't know why it's exciting... maybe because it feels very "adult" to have that, lol.

Let's see... in other news, it's been almost a month since I've bitten my nails. They're getting to reach my fingertips. They're long enough to tap against surfaces and even scratch myself on accident, lol.

Brian and I went to another park and took some more pictures. I was feeling rather frisky and, well, you can see a bit of my cleavage in a few pictures. I really like some of the pictures I took of Brian.

Work is going really well. I'm busy almost every day. Sometimes it's a bummer. I can't do some of the things I'd do in my spare time. I use to email Brian a lot and that kept my happily occupied. Now when I get a chance to drop him a line, I'm short on time and often say things rather abruptly. :/ I have a blackberry for work now. It's a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I can keep in touch from anywhere... on the other, I can keep in touch from anywhere.

Moving to the world of politics... I hope they wrap up the primary really soon. I hope that Obama gets it. I'd rather have either of them than a Republican, but Obama commands more respect.

Also, I'm re-reading LotR.

Yes! I'd like a mini-series.

They're cutting out some of my favorite characters from HP and the Half Blood Prince. I can understand the cuts... but they're taking out my favorite pairing. I definitely compare Tonks/Lupin to my love life. I'm sad to see that they won't be in the movies as they are in the books.