Turning a new leaf

I've been thinking a lot lately about life and that I don't want to die before I'm 55. I mean, my mom died at 47, my grandma at 40-something and an aunt at 52. In the past I've had a morbid indifference to the idea of dying young.

I decided recently that I'd like to work to live to be old. I mean, I'm relatively healthy but I do have several health risks.

The root of all these risks is my weight. I've been overweight my whole life. My parents have always pressured me to drop the pounds but I've always found it difficult. I mean, I've cut out some of the worst items on my menu... somewhat. I do eat more healthy food than non-healthy but the key I've missed is portion control.

I went to the doctor today to talk about it (with a lot of hesitation as I've had horrible and frustrating conversations with doctors in the past). My thought going in was getting a diet pill. She didn't think that would be a good way to go. I guess most of the FDA okayed pills aren't terribly effective. She asked if I had considered surgery (gastric bypass or lap band surgery). She thinks I'd qualify because of my BMI.

We also talked about exercise. I mentioned that there's a rather nice gym at work, but I don't like to stay very late because I want to get home to see Matt. Once Matt starts his job we'll commute together and I'll have extra time at work (which I've planned on using for exercise). The doctor said that if my goal is to spend more time with Matt I should workout (even if it means delaying coming home) as that will increase the years in the life I share with Matt.

I have to say that she really pinpointed my motivation for even broaching the subject. Sure, part of my reasoning is vanity, part of it health, but part of it (and possibly the scale-tipper) is wanting to be a healthy partner to spend life with. It's really time I stop moping about my weight and working to do something about it.

I've decided to try the dieting (well, portion control) and exercising for about 6 months. Matt's on-board with that (I mean, the portion control with change up his diet too) and he's extremely supportive of me. If I'm not healthier in 6 or so months I'll talk to my insurance about surgery.

This way I feel as if I'm not jumping straight to the "easy way". I know this will be frustrating but I think it will make my life better.