In Other News...

I can officially say that I hope to never get a divorce again. The whole process is convoluted. It doesn't help that I'm horrible at just reading directions and getting how to do something. I need to be shown, at least a few times… and in legal proceedings you don't really get that option. I've been muddling my way through tediously long 'how-to' documents all morning and I'm starting to get the idea… I have about a month to get all the final paper work in order. I'm just hella frustrated. I'm sort of pissed that I have to do this alone. I know the whole thing was my idea, but it fits the pattern for Matt and me trying to do something. He just kind of floats along and I'm left to worry about all of the details and actually getting stuff put together. Sure, he's upset and sad we're getting divorced, but he hasn't had to go to court, figure out the procedures or the paperwork. He hasn't been stressed out trying to do this right. I haven't asked him to look into that mainly because I didn't think he could handle it. I just want this to be finished up with. I hate feeling so ignorant when I'm trying to get something done. The people at the court house are often short with me on the phone and aren't extremely helpful when it comes to asking procedural questions. I just feel so over-burdened it's starting to wear me down.

I'm really grateful that I have people to lean on and everything. My friends and family have given support where they can and Brian has been an awesome cheerleader the past few weeks. Even with all of the people saying they're here for me, I feel totally alone in this endeavor. It might be part guilt at not being able to make a marriage work. It might the part of me that misses having someone with me all the time, someone to fall asleep next to and wake up with. It's kind of funny that I miss that. Matt and I rarely went to bed at the same time, much less in one another's arms. I was usually up at different times than him. I rarely sought out time with Matt unless it was in short spurts. I keep thinking that I'm missing a constant companion, but I never really had one. He and I were usually too pissy with one another to hang out for too long. It's kind of weird to miss something that was absent for most of a marriage.

I'm feeling a bit stressed out at work too. I think it's because I have my mind set on moving to a better job. I've put in for a few of them, two of which I really want. I've more or less written off the Training job… it hasn't been filled, but they haven't gotten back to me either. There's an Administrative Specialist job in my department that I put in for. The hiring manager is the manager that my supervisor reports to and my supervisor is looking through the resumes with another supervisor. He knows that I've put in my application for the job and he's all for giving me a chance to advance. I hope I get to interview for it. My supervisor said that they're a bit behind in looking for those things… he hinted that they might steal me away up there. I'm hesitantly optimistic. I'd still really like to hear something about either job.

In other news… I went to Manchester Park with Brian this weekend. I had a super good time. We wandered around, saw the old buildings. Brian really liked them. I'll have to take him to Fort Warden and show him what real bunkers look like. We also saw some sea lions. They were a ways away so we tried to hike to them. Unfortunately we were impeded by a barbed-wire fence. It was a lot of fun to hike around. It's really nice to have someone to go out and do these type of things with. We both like random outings and are inquisitive enough to just have fun and not worry about keeping a set schedule or how long we're out messing around. Next time we go out, we'll have to bring a camera and have neat pictures to show everyone.

That's all I feel like writing for now. For more information, please contact my public relations secretary.