Really Quite Spectacular

I spent Saturday and Sunday with Brian (the previously mentioned boyfriend). It was quite wonderful. He came over on Saturday (mid-afternoon) and was here until late on Sunday night. We hung out together (obviously), watched movies, had some good food (that I cooked), ended up going to a park I like (and he liked it too) and had a blast. Brian liked the food I made him (which is a plus as I feel a bit self conscious about my cooking). He cuddled with me while we were watching movies. He and I were able to joke around and talk about a lot of stuff. We had an especially good time at Manchester State Park. I highly recommend it to anyone that likes parks/bunkers/neat trails. Neither of us are in the best of shape, but it was nice to tramp around and see the beautiful scenery. We saw Sea Lions. It was kind of funny. We both wanted a better view and ended up hiking quite a bit further than we otherwise would have just to get a better view of them. I liked learning new tidbits of information about Brian. He's a music snob, which I tease him about as he likes Weird Al. He's really into history and historical places. He was very excited by the old bunkers at Manchester. We made plans to go to Fort Warden sometime in the next few months. If he liked the buildings we saw on Sunday, he'll die for the ones up at Fort Warden. I was bummed out when he had to go home. I could see myself happy being around him all the time.

In other news... I'm impatiently awaiting word from some jobs I applied for at PSE. I heard this week that my position will get a pay raise so it will be about the same as the other job I think I'll get... but I like the sound of the increased responsibility, the day to day change, being around other people. I'd also move closer to Brian if I get a job in Bellevue. I've been looking at jobs over there since before I was going out with him... so being close to him is a fringe benefit, not the sole purpose of looking. I've decided that I want a leadership type position and I want to earn my way there. That seems to be out of the question at the office I work in now... so I'll be glad to move near where those jobs are.

I'm also planning a trip to California to see my sister. I haven't been out to California in almost two years. I-dot and I went there to see his family in July 2006. I told him I was headed out there... I'm not sure why. I don't want to see him, not really. Part of me wants to, I don't know, feel some sort of closure. I'm afraid that seeing him will make me feel somewhat horrible and probably do the same to him. I don't want to be with him and I don't want to rekindle our relationship, but *sigh* there's part of me that actually misses him. I know! It's stupid! I have this wonderful guy who I adore and adores me. I am completely content and glad that I chose to break up with him. I can't explain it other than, well, I spent three years with him. I know its' not a very long time, and in 10 or so years that'll seem like a mere summer fling... but he was with me for a lot of my change and growth as a person. Gah. I don't need him though. He makes me feel horrible for being happy.


It's probably best if I just focus on my career growth and my relationship with Brian. I'm excited to see where it goes. I have a feeling that we'll be able to take it far. I think that our only real hindrance is money. Neither of us have enough to do what we'd like to do. I have a feeling that we'll work around that particular road block. If we lived closer together we wouldn't spend as much on gas. Not to mention I'd have a better paying job. I'm really hoping he lands a good part time job he can do while going to school.

*sigh* I'm falling for him and it's really quite spectacular and yet terrifying.